ON FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION

​“Dear Kuya Jeff, congratulations! We had a wonderful discussion earlier tonight. I particularly appreciated when you said, 'If you’re not asking sorry or repenting, God’s forgiveness is not applied in the way that reconciles you with Him. But God is always ready to forgive the moment you turn to Him with a contrite heart.' This reminds us that the key is admitting one’s fault and being truly sorry. Similarly, God forgives us as we forgive those who have wronged us. As you mentioned in Luke 17:3-4, we are called to forgive anyone who admits their fault and seeks forgiveness—even if it happens repeatedly. My question is: how should we respond when someone who has wronged us never admits their fault or shows remorse? Can we still forgive them? I also read in Matthew 5:23-24 that before presenting an offering to God, we must reconcile with anyone against whom we hold a grudge. Does this mean we can forgive without full reconciliation? I would greatly appreciate your insights on this. I also promise to continue attending our Spiritual Warfare series every Friday. Thank you, and more power to you!” – Mayline K. / Macario C.

1. Matthew 5:23–24 follows Jesus’ teaching on anger and hatred (Matthew 5:21–22). Here, Jesus deepens the commandment “You shall not kill” by showing that unresolved anger and broken relationships already violate God’s will. The key points He emphasizes are: right worship cannot be separated from right relationships, God desires forgiveness and mercy before ritual correctness, and the love of God and love of neighbor are inseparable. This teaching echoes 1 Samuel 15:22, “Obedience is better than sacrifice,” and Hosea 6:6, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” The Greek word diallagēthi, from the root diallassó, literally means “change” or “exchange.” In the New Testament context (Matthew 5:24), it carries the sense of a command: “make peace” or “exchange peace”—urging one to let go of anger and move from hostility to harmony. This principle forms the foundation for the kiss of peace during the Communion Rite at Holy Mass.

2. In Matthew 5:24, Jesus is not speaking merely about emotions but about broken communion. In the Jewish tradition, corporate worship requires at least ten people, known as a Minyan. However, even when the group is complete physically, Jesus implies that true worship cannot occur if internal communion is fractured. Holding grudges or harboring anger and resentment cuts one off from the assembly, preventing full participation in communal worship. Similarly, as Catholic Christians, it is difficult to fully participate in the Holy Eucharist if we are not in a state of grace or carry emotional burdens in our hearts. This is why it is essential to seek reconciliation with God and forgive those who have wronged us—often through Sacramental Confession—so that nothing obstructs our hearts from approaching Jesus, listening to His Word, and receiving His Body and Blood at Mass. Unforgiveness, anger, and resentment act as barriers within the heart, rendering ritual worship empty and meaningless.

3. Forgiveness and reconciliation are related, but not the same. Forgiveness means letting go of resentment, hatred, and the desire for revenge, entrusting justice to God. It happens within you, even if the other person never apologizes. It does not deny that a wrong was done. It does not excuse sin or pretend nothing happened. Forgiveness is done not because the offender deserves it but because you deserve peace, and because God has forgiven you first (cf. Matthew 18:21–35; Colossians 3:13; CCC 2840). As the Church teaches, refusing to forgive closes our hearts to God’s mercy.

4. Reconciliation goes further than forgiveness. It means restoring communion, rebuilding trust, and repairing a relationship where possible. It requires truth, repentance, and healing. It involves both parties. It does not happen instantly. It may not always be possible, especially when there is abuse, injustice, or lack of repentance. This is why forgiveness does not automatically mean returning to the same relationship “as if nothing happened.” Jesus’ command to make peace assumes a sincere effort toward peace and a heart already freed from hatred through forgiveness.

5. Jesus is saying that true worship cannot coexist with a heart that refuses peace. God does not reject sacrifice because ritual is bad. God rejects sacrifice when it hides a refusal to love. Jesus is not commanding forced reconciliation at all costs. Rather, He calls for a forgiving heart, a genuine desire for peace, and an honest effort toward reconciliation when possible. The first step is forgiveness—without it, reconciliation is impossible. Reconciliation does not happen overnight. It may take time, healing, repentance, and professional or spiritual guidance. If you are not ready to reconcile, that does not mean you have failed. You are called to forgive first, pray for the grace of reconciliation, and allow God to work in His time. Forgiveness opens the door. Reconciliation walks through it—slowly, carefully, and by grace.

6. As we begin this new year, please pray with me: Dear God, I come to You carrying a heavy heart, hurt by someone who never admitted their wrong or asked for forgiveness. Part of me still wants revenge, still wants justice on my own terms, but I know that path only steals my peace. Today, I choose to forgive—not because they deserve it, but because You forgave me first, and I want the freedom that comes from letting go. I release the anger, the resentment, and the bitterness I have been holding in my chest. Heal what is broken in me, Lord, and replace it with the peace only You can give. If reconciliation is meant to happen someday, grant me the grace when my heart is ready, and when the other person is ready to admit, to say sorry, and to repair what was broken. I know this may take time, but today I take the first step— I choose forgiveness. I ask this in Jesus' name, Amen.

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